It seems we don’t have to look far.
Maybe just in the mirror.
Or at our house or apartment.
Or our lack of house or Apartment.
Or at our job. Or lack of job.
Or at our kids or husband.
Or lack of kids and husband.
Before we find something to complain about.
There is always something to complain about.
Things to complain about are lying all around us, shouting to us their defects in neon blinking colors.
There is never a lack of things to complain about. Never a shortage. Rations are not ever enforced on complaints. No little man ever pops up and says, “Ma’am. I am sorry, but you’ve used all your complaints for the day. You will have to wait until tomorrow to begin complaining again. At midnight your allowance for complaints will be refilled. Until then I need you to refrain from complaining.”
And not only do we complain out loud to our husbands, friends, children, neighbors, the cashier at the grocery store, and anyone who we think will listen and not report us to the complaining police, we even complain in our mind. Silently, we complain and whine and think, “Oh no, not again.”
Yes, it seems, there is always something to complain about.
If you are not convinced, try and go a day without complaining.
Okay, if that is easy, how about a week?
It’s like trying to not eat for a week.
It’s darn hard! Nearly impossible.
Our mind likes to notice the harmful things, bad things, dangerous things. Things that are not right or safe. The faults in things and people. And that is not all bad. It is trying to protect us, help us.
How complaining keeps us from solving the problem.
Complaining never helps us. It never solves the problem.
It makes us feel like we are doing something (yes, we are venting our emotions and feelings, and our disgruntledness), but we are not doing something helpful.
Here is the truth about complaining. One complaint leads to another. And then another.
See one thing wrong with yourself, and it won’t be but a nanosecond before you notice something else wrong. Then two more. No four more. And soon we are heading into a downward spiral and about to sit down and start a pity party of one. Don’t forget the balloons and noisemakers! And if we notice someone walking by, someone we feel comfortable with, we may even start telling them our woes and ask them to blow up a few balloons and bring some chips and dip and join our pity party. Because who wants to party alone?
Yes, find one complaint, and more follow. Bam, bam, bam, until it is hard to stop the train from rolling down, down, down.
Let’s imagine there is something wrong. Maybe you find a big thick three-inch green hair emerging from your left eyebrow line. So is it time to complain. A big fat ‘NO’ is coming at you. And here is why. Complaining never solves anything. Nada. Not a single darn thing.
Complaining and whining and throwing a pity party won’t remove that three-inch green hair from your brow line. Girl, what you gotta do is grab a pair of tweezers and give a big mean yank to that stubborn green hair. That’s what will solve the problem. Now you can have a celebration party for solving your problem!
Remember, complaining never solves a problem. It only makes us think we are doing something towards solving it.
The only way to solve a problem it by taking action and doing something. Doing something involves an action verb. While complaining could be classified as an action verb, I am not going to allow you to employ it as an action verb. Mainly, because complaining only creates a bigger problem.
The 5 effects of complaining.
1. Complaining helps us see all the other things wrong with us and others and our situation.
2. It sends us in a downward spiral.
3. It sucks the joy and peace and grace from us. Out it rushes like an uncorked balloon. And just like that screeching balloon zipping around the room, it don’t sound pretty.
4. Complaining topples us into a negative attitude. And that can be a deep pit to climb out of.
5. We become critical, negative, sarcastic, and hard to live with.
Yikes. Who wants to be that unhappy person? Not us.
The real truth about always complaining.
Do you remember the story of Moses and the complaining Israelites? They had no bread. Meat was lacking. They were thirsty. Their feet were sore. Stones were poking into their ribs at night when they slept. They longed for the good old days of slavery to the Egyptians. Nothing was normal or the way it had been. They were tired of wandering and hot and dusty to the bone.
I used to hear that story as a kid and wonder why they complained so much. Chapter after chapter they complained. Even when bad things happened to them. They were chronic complainers.
Then I grew up and realized they were just like the rest of us. They were born complainers and whiners. Just like I was. If I thought for a minute that if I had been on that dusty hot trek I would not have complained, than I am fooling myself. Here I live a life of ease and comforts with tennis shoes and hiking boots and dish washers and clothes dryers, and I still complain.
But remember what God told Moses? Because I did not notice this part for years. God told Moses that all their complaints to him about lack of meat and onions and the long trek, where really complaints about God. Yes, ultimately they were complaining about God and his provisioning of them. Sure they complained to Moses, but God heard their grumblings as complaints about him and his actions towards them.
Well I sat up when I noticed that. And then started thinking.
So when I am complaining about my house, am I really saying that God didn’t give me the correct one? Or that he didn’t know what he was doing?
When I complain about my day, am I saying God is not giving me the kind of day I deserve and want? That perhaps he doesn’t understand me well enough?
And when I complain about my appearance, am I really saying that God made some mistakes when he made me? That he perhaps gave me the wrong hips or nose?
Surly I was saying that I was lacking faith in him to take care of me and know what is best for me or to direct my circumstances to my best.
And surely I was forgetting to count my blessings and rejoice in all things and know that all things were working out for my good.
Well girls, it was sobering thought and revelation. And it made me realize how seriously God takes our complaining. Because bottom line, it seems when we complain, we are really complaining about how God is taking care of us and provisioning us.
Complaining also keeps us from walking in faith. It shows we are relying on our current circumstances and our self, instead of God.
Why there is always something to complain about? And how to stop complaining.
See, there will always be something to complain about because we are living in an unperfect world with other imperfect humans. Trials, natural disasters, and time and chance strike us. Heartache and sin assault us. The actions of others affects us. We get sick and lose jobs and have nights of no sleep. And inside, our souls long for perfection. To return to the Garden of Eden where perfection was the norm.
But God’s plan is for us to learn and grow and overcome and change for the better in this beautiful and yet messy world where we learn to rely on him and learn about his love and plan for us.
There is always something to complain about. But God doesn’t want us to be complainers.
So have I quit complaining? No, but I am trying to complain a lot less. And that is a step in the right direction.
One thing I can do is replace complaining with counting my blessings.
Counting our blessings is the opposite of complaining. One is seeing the deficits, the other is noticing the positives. One is telling God how he is failing, the other is thanking God for his provisions.
Now I don’t expect we will never complain again. Far from it. We are human. And humans are known for complaining and seeing the worst. We will be fighting our complaining gene until the day we die. But girls, we can learn to stop ourselves and our downward spiral. We can learn to count our blessings. Learn to take steps to solve the problem. Learn to live with the problem. See the problem as a blessing in disguise.
We can rejoice and be thankful for what is right and good in our lives. Focus on the positive. And we can ask God to help us see his love and blessings, more than the complaints.
Remembering what’s important.
What about you? Are you ready to complain less?
There will be always be something to complain about.
Is that how you want to spend your life? Complaining?
Because likewise, there will always something to be thankful for.
I don’t want to be known as a complainer.
I want to be known as a thanker. A thanker of every good gift.
Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.
Need some weekly encouragement and hope, tied up with some humor? Subscribe and join the journey. Life is sweeter when we can walk alongside one another.
Join the Discussion: How do you keep from complaining? Any specific tips?
- We All Need Undeserved Grace - June 29, 2020
- What If Shame Has a Bigger Purpose Than Us? - June 18, 2020
- Shame: Recognize It, Heal From It, Walk in Freedom - May 28, 2020