We misinterpret the words or actions of what we experience or what happens to us.
Shame develops because of the way we look at ourselves and the situation.
Shame has nothing to do with what we do, it is out of our control and it develops from what is done to us. We feel shame when something out of our choosing is done to us (we don’t initiate it).
Shame is often not our fault. But we misinterpret the shameful feelings and the event or words as something is wrong with us and we are defective. It is how we choose to react and process the events or words that creates the shame. Many of us, though, grew up in shameful environments.
Go deeper, see Environments Where Shame Thrives, post 4; How the Lies of Shame Cause Us to Think We Are the Defective Ones, post 3; and There is No Shame in Feeling Shame, post 2.