Comparing ourselves to one another is silly. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. We are all different enough that we are not comparing like things.
“Are you comparing the right things?” hubby asked.
“I think so.”
“It has to be apples and apples. Not apples and oranges?”
“What? I’m comparing myself to Sally, not fruit.”
“That’s my point,” he said. “An apple and an orange are both fruit, but they are totally different. You have to compare like things.”
Maybe you are confused. Because I was. So let me explain
As people we compare ourselves to others all the time.
People we know. People we don’t know. People in edited pictures. People in books. And unless we are careful, we end up comparing apples to oranges.
Let me explain.
An apple and an orange are both fruit, but they are very different. One has smooth, eatable skin, the other a thick peel. One has hard crunchy insides, the other juicy and soft insides. One makes a wonderful pie, the other sweet pulpy juice.
Not only do they look different, taste different, are prepared differently, and have different roles in recipes, they grow on different trees and in different climates.
The Big fruit salad (or big picture).
Apples and oranges are like people. Different, and yet alike.
You may be an apple, but if you are comparing yourself to an orange, you are not comparing yourself to the right things.
We do this all the time.
We compare ourselves to someone we read about, but have not met (we only know a fraction of their story). We compare ourselves to a photo (which is posed and may be touched up and is not the whole truth). And we compare ourselves to people we know (but do we really know their whole story?)
Now I am not suggesting you go out and find a person with your Enneagram number, your hair color and age, someone who is most like you, and compare yourself with them. What I am saying is that we are all different, which means we are comparing an apple to an orange.
Some of us may be oranges. Some apples. Others are star fruit. Or cherries. Even blueberries. And watermelon. Comparing ourselves to one another is silly. We are all different enough that we will either feel like we win the contest and think better about ourselves and be prideful, or we may lose the contest and feel like the loser and berate ourselves.
If you are a grape, comparing yourself to a banana, it doesn’t do them or you any good. No matter how hard you try to reshape yourself to be anything but a grape, you will still be a grape. A grape and banana are just too different. Each will attract different types of friends, excel in different situations, have different strengths, and like different things.
Capitalizing on your fruit type.
Stop trying to be like a different fruit and just be the best you.
- Learn about your strengths and talents and use these. (An orange will never have a crunchy interior, but it makes great juice.)
- Learn about your weaknesses and realize these will never be your strengths. (A blueberry bruises easier than an apple, but it can be sprinkled on top of yogurt.)
- Know your limits, what you can and can’t do, so you can use your energy and time wisely. This involves setting boundaries and learning to say no. An apple is packed with more energy (13 calories) than a blackberry (2 calories).
- Capitalize on what you are good at. (A coconut has a tough shell and can be thrown and tossed without harm, but a tossed banana turns into a pile of sticky slime.)
- Quit wanting to be something you can’t be. (A raspberry will never be the color of an apricot.)
- Collect people who like your specific type of fruit. (Cherries, anyone?)
When we realize we are not all the same, we can stop competing and instead focus on making ourselves the best us.
We will never be the fruit of everyone’s choice.
We all want to be popular and chosen, but it doesn’t work that way.
Some people like apples. And some people don’t. Some people like strawberries, others don’t. And that’s alright. Find people who like you as you are, with your unique talents and capabilities and be there for them. Don’t get offended that you are not everyone’s favorite fruit.
All the fruits are chosen, necessary, and needed. We don’t need to compete with one another.
Knowing we are a gooseberry and appreciating our gooseberry-ness will allow us to grow and develop and be the best gooseberry we can be. We will be content, reap a bountiful harvest, and bless those around us.
And together we will be the most delicious fruit salad.
Thanks for stopping by.
Remember to be the best you. God only made one of you and we need you.
Theresa
Join the discussion: What fruit are you?
May link up at Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), Anita Ojeda (#inspirememonday), InstaEncouagements ((IE Link-Up), and Jeanne Takenaka (#tellhisstory).
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So good! The body of Christ is really a fruit salad!
It’s funny. We want to be unique and different. Yet we compare ourselves to each other. We will never be all alike. Which makes a better fruit salad.
This is good advice, Theresa, “Find people who like you as you are, with your unique talents and capabilities and be there for them.”
So true, “All the fruits are chosen, necessary, and needed. We don’t need to compete with one another.” I don’t really struggle in this area, but I have friends that do. I appreciate the picture of a fruit bowl with all the fruit tossed in to make a creative and tasty fruit salad.
I heard this principle somewhere and it made so much sense. Sometimes we focus on pleasing people who will never appreciate our type of fruit. It’s a losing battle. Not everyone will like or need what we offer.
Lisa, such a fantastic post! I love the analogy of comparing apples and oranges when we are comparing ourselves to one another! It is so true, and as you said there’s really no way to find two people so identcal as to make comparison worthwhile. I think that’s why the Bible warns us about comparing ourselves, because when we do we become “fools”.
I also found your list for capitalizing on your fruit type very helpful and encouraging!!
We do become foolish when we compare ourselves to others. God made us one of a kind and he wants us to delight in how he crafted us.
Wonderful post, Theresa. We need to be who we were created to be for we all have a reason for being here.
Hi Joanne. Being who we were created to be, is so much easier. I remember trying to imitate a friend. Then another one. I was a poor imitation. Better to be my best self for me and others.
I love the irony that we want to be unique, yet we compare ourselves to others. How much better to appreciate what each fruit has to offer.
Yes. Appreciating ourselves and each other.
Theresa, I loved this post. Mostly because I used to be really bad about comparing my worst characteristics to another person’s best. Which, as I’m sure you know, never ends well. I’m thankful God has reminded me that the only One whose opinion really matter is His. And in His eyes, I’m already accepted and just the “fruit” he wants me to be. There’s a quiet settling in the spirit that happens when we can accept God made each of us unique and perfect for His plans.
There is a quiet settling in the spirit when we really believe this and know it deeply. And God wants us to experience this. I look at little kids and see that they accept they are loved by their parents. In this area we need to become like little children.
“All the fruits are chosen, necessary, and needed. We don’t need to compete with one another.” And the fruit bowl would be less colourful if we do not show up as we are…! Love all of this!
Great point. The bowl of fruit would be less colorful if we don’t show up as us. A bowl of apples, only makes applesauce, not fruit salad. 🙂
I’m not sure which fruit I am. Maybe it would depend on who I ask. 🙂 I love the moral of your story here: “Remember to be the best you. God only made one of you and we need you.” Amen!
LOL. Sometimes we do have different opinions about the characteristics that determine each fruit. And sometimes we might be a mix.
Theresa, I absolutely love everything about this post! What a creative way to talk about comparison and our need to embrace the way God made us instead of trying to live up to some imaginary picture of perfection. Your tips about to “be the best you” are so practical and helpful!
Thanks Lois. Currently I am working on #3.
A wonderful post! I love the “fruit salad” analogy–that’s a great image to carry around!
I had to dig really, really deeply into the issue of comparison, which was a lifelong struggle for me. (Did you know I wrote a book about finding freedom from comparison?)
Thanks so much for joining the Grace at Home party at Imparting Grace. I’m featuring you this week!
Hi Richella, Thanks for featuring my post. I did see that you wrote a book on comparison. I downloaded the first chapter and am excited to read it.
‘No matter how hard you try to reshape yourself to be anything but a grape, you will still be a grape.’
Theresa, where were you about 50 years ago?!
Embracing your wise words would have helped me accept who God had shaped me to be.
Such an excellent piece! I’m off to share …
Thanks Linda. I wish I had known this earlier too. Life is a journey, though.
Just what I needed to read this morning! It’s oh, so easy to fall into the comparison game. And it’s always a nasty fall. I have no idea what type of fruit I am, but now I’ll be thinking about it all day long!
Maybe that will be the next personality test. What kind of fruit are you? 🤣 🤣