Here are a few:
1. Secrecy. When we keep secrets about ourselves, others, our past, and our family, shame often develops. Shame thrives in secrecy and grows when we don’t talk about it.
2. Conditional love. It is controlling and gives the message that you are NOT worthy; you are loved only for what you do; and if you disappoint or something bad happens, it’s your fault, try harder.
3. Focusing on the past. Bringing up the past again and again. This keeps us caught and seen in our past mistakes.
4. Judgement and criticalness. Growth is stifled and we rarely feel good enough.
5. Rejection. When our emotions and feelings are discounted, opinions ignored, and our actions criticized we learn not to trust ourselves.
6. Labeling the person as bad. Instead of a specific action, behavior, or thing as bad.
7. Cruel and hurtful words. Harsh words that blame, cut, wound, and are untrue can make us think something is wrong with us.
8. Trauma and abuse. Bullying and ridicule. Neglect and ignoring.
9. Acute self-awareness.
10. Blame and shame.
11. High expectations; unattainable guidelines; rigid family, group, or religious rules.
Go deeper, read Environments Where Shame Thrives, post 4.
