No. We often feel shame for something that was done to us and for something that was out of our control. Shame occurs when we misinterpret the events or words or experience. We tie what happened to our identity and believe the lies that shame tells us about our identity.
A simple example is a young child feeling shame for her parent’s divorce, thinking that because of her actions or words her parent’s marriage failed. The truth is the parents choose to divorce.
Or a child who is bullied by her teachers thinking she deserved it because if only she had acted differently or wasn’t so “different” (or fill in your own word) she would not have been treated that way. The truth is the teacher choose to bully the child and blame them for their actions.
Shame consistently makes us think it was our fault, when it actually wasn’t or isn’t.
Go deeper, read How the Lies of Shame Cause Us to Think We Are the Defective Ones, post 3, and 12 Ways that Misinterpreting Events Causes Shame, post 6.
