15 Ways to Kill a Friendship (What Not to Do)

Perhaps you are someone with too many friends.

They flock to you like ants to chocolate frosting. They take your time and energy, giving little in return. Instead of being a joy, they are turning into a chore.

Well I am here to help.

Follow these 15 steps and you will kill your current friendships. Even halt future friendships. And don’t worry, these steps work on all types of relationships. Mates, co-workers, besties, children of all ages, peeps, pesky you know who’s, and neighbors. Pretty much on anybody, except maybe your loyalist dog.

I do have a few warnings. Make sure you are ready to start?  Killing a friendship can take some concentrated effort. Sometimes even some hard work. It can also take some time. Some friends drop quickly, others take longer. Make sure this is what you want. Once you start implementing these 15 ideas, you won’t be able to return to the earlier days.

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.Imagine being resurrected. Maybe you are happy. And then you look around and remember your old life and problems and you wonder, "Why oh why did this happen to me?"Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.15 ways to kill a friendship:

 

1. Compare yourself with them. Always and for everything. If you win, you can feel smug and superior. Don’t forget to point out to them that you are better than them in this area. If they win, you can pout, dislike them, and be jealous. Either way, it causes friction between the two of you and helps the friendship turn south.

2.Make them feel guilty for their good fortune. Whine, complain, and show them the injustice of their place in life whenever they are doing better than you. Play the victim. Question why life is so hard on you in multiple texts and conversations. Wallow in your envy. The goal is to make them feel bad

3. Always think the worst of them. Are they late for your date? Assume it is because they are avoiding you. Did they forget to wish you happy birthday by 8 AM? Assume they hate you and are trying to ignore you. Did they buy their favorite ice cream and not yours? Assume it is because you don’t matter anymore, and they have a new and better friend.

You may have to work at this. But eventually with practice you will get the hang of assuming the worst. Remember every action, communication, manner, and situation can be seen negatively.

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.4. Don’t ever make the first move. We are playing a game of chicken here. Don’t call first (unless you are calling to whine and complain per #2). Instead, make them call you. Don’t text to see how they are doing. Make them text you to see how you are doing.

Think about it this way. You are to busy and important to think about them. Wonder about them. Or plain spend any time on them. When, and only after they have made the first move, then get back to them. But not to quickly. Remember, their job is to pursue you, not the other way around.

5. Never encourage or compliment them. There are enough special snowflakes already. Don’t make any more.

Your job is not to hand out false praise and dangerously build them up. No, be practical and helpful. Offer liberal criticism and let them know their faults and where they need improvement. You can be the friend that helps them reach their potential and teaches them that life is not eating a bowl of cherries on an amusement ride. Life is hard, demanding, striving for perfection.  Teach them their best is never quite good enough for you.

6. Focus on yourself. Talk only of yourself. Brag about yourself and your accomplishments. Promote your ideas and opinions. The last thing you want to do is ask them a question or their opinion. Remember, it is all about you.

7. Never apologize or admit you are wrong. If they try to point the accusation spotlight on you, blame and shame them. Intimidate them. Make excuses and then point out how they are more in the wrong than you.

If they apologize first, still don’t apologize. Step back and thank them for their apology. Then focus on how they were wrong, giving suggestions on how they can do a better job in the future. Make sure they are penitent enough before once again extending the olive oil of friendship.

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.8. Put them down and make fun of them. Take every possible opportunity to make them the heel of the joke. If they don’t laugh, tell them you are just joking. Then accuse them of being to serious and not having a sense of humor.

9. Pretend you are perfect. Show no vulnerability. You want them to think you have life figured out and you have everything together. If you don’t, well don’t tell them.

10. Be kinder to yourself than you are to them. Give yourself grace and patience and many tries to get something right. But don’t extend these to them unless they really have worked hard and deserve it. Give them an inch and they will want the Grand Canyon.

11. Hold a grudge for as long as you can. Show them you have more will power than they do. And when you finally decide to loosen the grip of your grudge, bring the incident which prompted the grudge up on a continual and regular basis.

12. Expect more from them than you do yourself. You have high and exacting standards and expectations for yourself, and that has made you into who you are today. Do them a favor and have high expectations and standards for them. You will be helping them see where they have room for improvement.

Always find something they didn’t quite do right and point it out to them. Remember you are doing them a service and trying to get them to achieve their potential. Being disappointed in them is a great motivator.

13. Gossip about them. Feel free to share all the gossip you hear about them (or you learn about them firsthand) with your other friends and acquaintances. If you are trying to help them, or someone in the process, gossip is good.

14. Make everything in life a competition. Provide some friendly fun by competing in every area of life with them. Make sure you have the greatest husband. The cutest dog. The best dressed children. The most volunteer hours. The highest heels. The reddest dress. The sexiest smile. The most social likes.

See number 6. Brag and then brag some more to encourage them to strive harder. Which in turn keeps you working and doing your best to win. See number 2 if they are pulling ahead in any category.

15. Constantly correct them. Especially in front of others. This will alert them to areas where they need improvement. Correct their grammar. “The correct word is ‘affect,’ not ‘effect.'” Their posture. “Stand up straight. You look like a limp pole.” Their stories. “It was January and the time was 3:52.” Their facts. “Everyone knows people love chocolate ice cream more, not vanilla.” Focus on all the glaring little faults you see.

Little things can make or ruin an image. Once again think of it as doing them a service. Sure, they may glare at you in the moment, but years down the road they may be contacting you via Instagram to thank you for helping them become a better and sharper image of them self.

 

It’s your choice.

 

Now that you know what will make many of your friends start running for cover and away from you, leaving only your toughest skinned and ready to grow and improve themselves friends, you can start implementing these 15 items.

If on the other hand, you want a few more friends. Or want to encourage the ones you currently have, then I suggest you do exactly the opposite of the above. Not only will you be well liked. You may win the best friend of the year award.

And as you will have not driven all your friends away, you can host a large party and celebrate together. Because that’s what real friends do.

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Theresa

 

P.S. Want to know why we need friendships, take a look at The Friendship Moment of Change. And if you are looking for ideas about what you and your friends can do, see When Was Your Last Playdate?


If you need some weekly encouragement and hope, tied up with some humor? Subscribe and join the journey. Life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.


Join the discussion: What things have you seen dissolve a friendship faster than a melting ice cube?   

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.May link up at Holley Gerth (#coffeeforyourheart), Lori Schumaker (#Moments of Hope), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Arabah Joy (#Grace & Truth).

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships.

Wondering how to kill a friendship? Here are 15 things you can do to guarantee your friendships dissolve. Or you can do the opposite of this and build and encourage your current friendships. #relationships #friendships #humor

How to Love Unconditionally: 11 Tips for Loving Yourself and Others

Unconditional love is not dependent on anything we do or don’t do. It loves us no matter what. In all circumstances and in all possibilities. It is a love that does not grow when we are good or evaporate when we displease.  It is a faithful and constant love.

This kind of love is not easy.

It is based upon a choice. Not a feeling.

When unconditionally loved, people flourish. Have freedom to be themselves. To be vulnerable. To admit their mistakes without fear.  And it gives them the desire to grow into better people.

So how can we love those around us unconditionally? As well as love our self unconditionally?

Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.How to Love Unconditionally:

 

1. Be compassionate. Unconditional love remembers we are all flawed humans. Prone to mistakes and sinful. And because it remembers this, it is not so surprised that we have good and bad days. Good and bad traits. It doesn’t make excuses for the bad and ugly it sees in those it loves, but it has compassion for them.

2. Be patient. Unconditional love realizes that life is a journey. It knows no one has yet arrived. Nor does it expect others to have it all together. It will sit and cry with you and then encourage you to do better. It will do this over and over again, because unconditional love is patient and doesn’t demand others to be on its own time table.

3. Desire the best. Unconditional love always desires the best for the other person and it works to bring this about. It will sit for hours talking with the person to help them sort their feelings and thoughts. It listens more than it gives advice. It asks questions and helps the other person see new things, develop new ways of thinking. It sees more viewpoints than its own and is open to what is best for the person. It doesn’t act as the authority of their life and lecture or demand. It speaks the truth with kindness. The relationship is always cultivated and more important than actions and outcomes.

Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.4. Encourage and celebrate. Unconditional love encourages, instead of competing. It celebrates small steps and victories, knowing that the big ones are few and far between (as well as a combination of many small steps). It has an attitude of “you can do it,” and “I am on your side.”

5. Doesn’t expect perfection. Unconditional love knows that perfection does not exist in any area of this life and does not expect others to demonstrate or attain perfection. It does not point out the flaws and failings first, but notices what is working and what is done well. It does not give false praise but manages to find something to be thankful for in every situation or circumstance.

6. Sees the potential. Unconditional love sees the potential in others and helps the person see their own potential too. Not that it doesn’t also see the here and now; it does. It sees the person’s flaws, but it also sees the potential and works unselfishly for the person to reach their potential.

7. Forgives easily. Unconditional love forgives easily and when asked. It doesn’t keep a tally of wrongs or bring up the past to shame or blame. It realizes we all need forgiveness and works hard not to dwell on the past. It does not extract payment for wrongs, nor does it forgive only when it has decided that someone has repented enough or is sorry enough. Unconditional love does not expect forgiveness to be earned but gives it freely as a gift.

8. Studies a person. Unconditional love wants to get to know the other person — how they tick, what motivates them, their love language, their personality, and anything else they can about the person. Because by better knowing the other person, they will understand them, be better able to motivate them, communicate with them, and ultimately love them.

Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.9. Leads by example.  Unconditional love never expects or demands that others do something they are not willing to do them self. Their loudest preaching is by example. Unconditional love also knows that others are responsible for themselves and it does not take accountability for others who are not their responsibility.

10. Doesn’t mislabel. Unconditional love labels the behavior or action as bad, not the person as bad. It sees the difference and knows that a bad action is just a bad action. It knows that what a person chooses to do does not make that person unlovable.

11. Sets boundaries. Unconditional love knows what healthy boundaries are for itself and does not let others take advantage of them. Likewise, it knows how and when to practice tough love for the benefit of the other person.

Unconditional love is not easy.

It requires making hard choices.

But we can grow in the traits of unconditional love.

It requires laying aside our selfishness and often our first response that is wanting to pop out of our mouth.

Ultimately, unconditional love looks at how God treats us and models that behavior to others and our self.

Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Theresa

 


If you need some weekly encouragement and hope, tied up with some humor? Subscribe and join the journey. Life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.


Join the Discussion: What other traits does unconditional love exhibit?

Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.May link up at Holley Gerth (#coffeeforyourheart), Lori Schumaker (#Moments of Hope), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Arabah Joy (#Grace & Truth), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth).

Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.Discover 11 traits of unconditional love. Learn how to love unconditionally, both yourself and others, so that you and others can thrive in relationships.

How Pride Impacts Our Relationships

 

Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.“I think you are angry.”

“Nope.”  I spat out.

We were in our first year of marriage and driving north to visit friends.

“Well you sure seem angry.”

“I’m not,” I said staring at the red light we were waiting on.

Just breathe, I reminded myself. Stay calm.

“There is nothing wrong with admitting you are angry,” he said, a few minutes of silence later. “Anger is just an emotion. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

I listened a little more intently. I had never heard that before.

“So, what if you are angry. Big deal. It would be better to admit you are angry and discuss it, than try and stuff it down and pretend you are not angry.”

“Maybe.”

He sighed. “Why is it so had for you to admit anything? To admit you are not perfect? To admit you are wrong?”

Ouch. I didn’t want to answer that question out loud.

We stopped for another light. He looked at me. I looked at him, trying to smile, but it felt so fake.

“Okay,” I spit out. “I am angry. I am angry at you. I am angry about this morning. I am angry.”

“Well,” he laughed. “Now don’t you feel better?”

Tears sprang to my eyes. Not with him laughing at me. No, I now felt like a failure.

He took my hand. “Do you know what? I love you when you are stubborn and don’t apologize, and I love you when you do. But it is so much easier to love you when you admit you are human and admit your faults. When you admit you are angry, when you really are angry. Just be honest. With yourself and me.”

 

How pride in a relationship affects  the relationships negatively, and why. 

 

Some conversations are tuning points.

Some conversations make us think and then come to new truth.

Some conversations we will remember in the future at just the right time.

This was one of those conversations.

I had always thought of myself as an apologizer. I don’t know how many times I had been told by my mother growing up, “Tell your sister you are sorry. Apologize to your brother.” And I had. I had always said the words, even if I had not always meant them.

But I had also been the perfect child in our family of six kids. The one where mom would say, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” and point to me.  Because I worked so had to do the right thing, I ended up apologizing a lot less than my always-in-trouble older brother and independent-and who-cares younger sister.

Yes, I grew up thinking I was related to Mary Poppins. “Practically perfect in every way.”

And when I grew older and time had passed, I realized that my mom was very prideful. I don’t ever remember her apologizing. And I had adopted more of her attitude than was good for me.

As I thought over the next months, and even years, about why it was so hard for me to apologize, to admit I was wrong, I came back to the same thing. My pride was tripping me up. Causing me to stumble and keeping me from confessing.

Pride of wanting to be right.

Pride of wanting to defend my actions. (After all, my reasons were so good.)

Pride of wanting to appear almost perfect.

Pride of what others would think.

Pride of exposing the truth to myself and others.

Pride of appearing weak.

Pride of admitting fault.

My pride was a stumbling block and affected my relationships. Because one thing pride likes to do, is lie. Pride lies all sorts of convincing lies. Lies that keep us from the truth. From perusing love. From abundant grace.  From growth and change. From deeper relationships. Pride is supposed to keep us from pain, but it doesn’t. Pride weaves elaborate lies that we tend to believe. Lies that in the end extract harsher consequences because of the tangle of deceit we create.

Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.Some lies of pride we believe that hinder our relationships:

 

Others wont’s like/love us if they knew the truth.

Hide. Never tell. It is safer.

Forgiveness is never free. We must work to earn our forgiveness.

Confessing makes us indebted to the person.

Asking forgiveness is admitting guilt and a sign of weakness.

Come on. Technically we are not guilty. Look for a loophole.

Don’t admit guilt unless we are 100% wrong. 96% or even 5% does not count.

We may not be forgiven, so why bother.

The other person screwed up too. Let them confess first.

Forgiveness is over rated.

Confessing may ruin us.

These lies have no truth in them. Satan wants us to believe these lies because then we will walk in fear, and not in the light of forgiveness. Because then we will walk in the same old rut, and not newness and change. Because it will cut us off from community and help. Because when we are consumed with guilt and shame our eyes remain focused on our self, not on a God who redeems us, loves us, and pours abundant grace on our souls.

Pride is one of the main culprits that hinders our relationships with others. It is our pride that causes us to defend our actions. Justify and explain why we are in the right and turn and blame them for their wrong doing. Pride separates us from others. It causes us to lie to them and our self. It keeps us from doing the right thing in the relationship. It stops us from pursuing reconciliation, compromise, and forgiveness. Pride holds onto our pain and then we in turn lash out in pain.

Often, we know we are wrong, but it is our pride that keeps us from doing the right thing.

Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.How to deal with pride in a relationship; tips for chipping away the stumbling block of pride:

 

1. Strive for humility. Humility is seeing our self and God as we both really are. He is the only perfect one. We are the sinful one. And yet God want to have a relationship with us. He wants to parent us. Love us. Give us all sorts of good gifts. Call us beloved. When we realize that we are dependent on God and his forgiveness and grace (which he freely gives), that creates in us a desire to change and grow.

2. Take responsibility. It is so much easier than explaining why we didn’t really do something everyone knows we really did. Making excuses that make no sense, or trying to argue that it was really was someone else’s fault is just plain nonsense. Stop stepping away and instead take responsibility. People will be relieved, and our trust ratings will soar.

3. Just do it. Practice apologizing; it will become easier. Start with little things. Move to bigger things. Or do it the other way. Once you have confessed a big thing, other confessions may seem easier.

I remember the day I confessed to a big thing (Yes, I said the words out loud that I was not perfect!) My heart was racing, my palms sweaty. All the spit in my mouth had turned to dust bunnies. I knew my voice would crack. I knew my world would fall apart. But I did it. I squeaked out the words. And guess what? I survived. The world did not collapse. My heart kept beating. And of course, no one died of surprise. They already knew it. And still loved me.

I kept confessing. And it got easier.

The same will happen for us if we keep apologizing when we need to. The silly thing is, when we confess our wrong doing, we are usually not surprising anyone. Often everyone sees we need to confess before we realize it. If we have yelled at the family, they all know we yelled at them. There is no surprise when we say we should not have yelled at them and ask their forgiveness. Often there is just gratitude from them that we took responsibility for our actions, and now they can stop telling us we were wrong.

4. Keep it Simple. Forget the perfect words. Just say: “I am sorry for  – – – -, please forgive me.”

Remember, if we justify or make excuses, then we are no longer apologizing. “I am sorry I hurt your feelings, but you need to be nicer to me,” does not qualify. When we add a “but,” we are often justifying and blaming them. Saying, “I am sorry you feel that way,” is also not an apology. It is really telling them that their feelings are wrong.

After we say we are sorry, we can also offer some sort of restitution or help, if appropriate. “I know I didn’t mow the lawn like I said I would. Can I now clean the bathroom for you?”

 

Remembering what’s important.

 

I can’t say that I don’t still let my pride get the best of me. I do. But my husband was right. We are easier to love when we acknowledge we are human. When we admit our mistakes. 

It has taken me a long time, but I have learned that despite my aversions to it, confession is good for my soul. It helps restore relationships, keeps pride in check, stop the blaming and justifying of my actions, and passes grace and forgiveness out to others and myself.

So, go ahead.

Confess when necessary.

Apologize quickly.

Abundant grace awaits.

Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Theresa

 


If you need some weekly encouragement and hope, tied up with some humor? Subscribe and join the journey. Life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.


Join the discussion: What lies of pride do you believe?

Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.May link up at Holley Gerth (#coffeeforyourheart), Lori Schumaker (#Moments of Hope), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Arabah Joy (#Grace & Truth).

Pride can negatively affect relationships. Learn 4 ways to slay pride and the fears that drive it.