Perhaps you are someone with too many friends.
They flock to you like ants to chocolate frosting. They take your time and energy, giving little in return. Instead of being a joy, they are turning into a chore.
Well I am here to help.
Follow these 15 steps and you will kill your current friendships. Even halt future friendships. And don’t worry, these steps work on all types of relationships. Mates, co-workers, besties, children of all ages, peeps, pesky you know who’s, and neighbors. Pretty much on anybody, except maybe your loyalist dog.
I do have a few warnings. Make sure you are ready to start? Killing a friendship can take some concentrated effort. Sometimes even some hard work. It can also take some time. Some friends drop quickly, others take longer. Make sure this is what you want. Once you start implementing these 15 ideas, you won’t be able to return to the earlier days.
15 ways to kill a friendship:
1. Compare yourself with them. Always and for everything. If you win, you can feel smug and superior. Don’t forget to point out to them that you are better than them in this area. If they win, you can pout, dislike them, and be jealous. Either way, it causes friction between the two of you and helps the friendship turn south.
2.Make them feel guilty for their good fortune. Whine, complain, and show them the injustice of their place in life whenever they are doing better than you. Play the victim. Question why life is so hard on you in multiple texts and conversations. Wallow in your envy. The goal is to make them feel bad
3. Always think the worst of them. Are they late for your date? Assume it is because they are avoiding you. Did they forget to wish you happy birthday by 8 AM? Assume they hate you and are trying to ignore you. Did they buy their favorite ice cream and not yours? Assume it is because you don’t matter anymore, and they have a new and better friend.
You may have to work at this. But eventually with practice you will get the hang of assuming the worst. Remember every action, communication, manner, and situation can be seen negatively.
4. Don’t ever make the first move. We are playing a game of chicken here. Don’t call first (unless you are calling to whine and complain per #2). Instead, make them call you. Don’t text to see how they are doing. Make them text you to see how you are doing.
Think about it this way. You are to busy and important to think about them. Wonder about them. Or plain spend any time on them. When, and only after they have made the first move, then get back to them. But not to quickly. Remember, their job is to pursue you, not the other way around.
5. Never encourage or compliment them. There are enough special snowflakes already. Don’t make any more.
Your job is not to hand out false praise and dangerously build them up. No, be practical and helpful. Offer liberal criticism and let them know their faults and where they need improvement. You can be the friend that helps them reach their potential and teaches them that life is not eating a bowl of cherries on an amusement ride. Life is hard, demanding, striving for perfection. Teach them their best is never quite good enough for you.
6. Focus on yourself. Talk only of yourself. Brag about yourself and your accomplishments. Promote your ideas and opinions. The last thing you want to do is ask them a question or their opinion. Remember, it is all about you.
7. Never apologize or admit you are wrong. If they try to point the accusation spotlight on you, blame and shame them. Intimidate them. Make excuses and then point out how they are more in the wrong than you.
If they apologize first, still don’t apologize. Step back and thank them for their apology. Then focus on how they were wrong, giving suggestions on how they can do a better job in the future. Make sure they are penitent enough before once again extending the olive oil of friendship.
8. Put them down and make fun of them. Take every possible opportunity to make them the heel of the joke. If they don’t laugh, tell them you are just joking. Then accuse them of being to serious and not having a sense of humor.
9. Pretend you are perfect. Show no vulnerability. You want them to think you have life figured out and you have everything together. If you don’t, well don’t tell them.
10. Be kinder to yourself than you are to them. Give yourself grace and patience and many tries to get something right. But don’t extend these to them unless they really have worked hard and deserve it. Give them an inch and they will want the Grand Canyon.
11. Hold a grudge for as long as you can. Show them you have more will power than they do. And when you finally decide to loosen the grip of your grudge, bring the incident which prompted the grudge up on a continual and regular basis.
12. Expect more from them than you do yourself. You have high and exacting standards and expectations for yourself, and that has made you into who you are today. Do them a favor and have high expectations and standards for them. You will be helping them see where they have room for improvement.
Always find something they didn’t quite do right and point it out to them. Remember you are doing them a service and trying to get them to achieve their potential. Being disappointed in them is a great motivator.
13. Gossip about them. Feel free to share all the gossip you hear about them (or you learn about them firsthand) with your other friends and acquaintances. If you are trying to help them, or someone in the process, gossip is good.
14. Make everything in life a competition. Provide some friendly fun by competing in every area of life with them. Make sure you have the greatest husband. The cutest dog. The best dressed children. The most volunteer hours. The highest heels. The reddest dress. The sexiest smile. The most social likes.
See number 6. Brag and then brag some more to encourage them to strive harder. Which in turn keeps you working and doing your best to win. See number 2 if they are pulling ahead in any category.
15. Constantly correct them. Especially in front of others. This will alert them to areas where they need improvement. Correct their grammar. “The correct word is ‘affect,’ not ‘effect.'” Their posture. “Stand up straight. You look like a limp pole.” Their stories. “It was January and the time was 3:52.” Their facts. “Everyone knows people love chocolate ice cream more, not vanilla.” Focus on all the glaring little faults you see.
Little things can make or ruin an image. Once again think of it as doing them a service. Sure, they may glare at you in the moment, but years down the road they may be contacting you via Instagram to thank you for helping them become a better and sharper image of them self.
It’s your choice.
Now that you know what will make many of your friends start running for cover and away from you, leaving only your toughest skinned and ready to grow and improve themselves friends, you can start implementing these 15 items.
If on the other hand, you want a few more friends. Or want to encourage the ones you currently have, then I suggest you do exactly the opposite of the above. Not only will you be well liked. You may win the best friend of the year award.
And as you will have not driven all your friends away, you can host a large party and celebrate together. Because that’s what real friends do.
Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.
Theresa
P.S. Want to know why we need friendships, take a look at The Friendship Moment of Change. And if you are looking for ideas about what you and your friends can do, see When Was Your Last Playdate?
If you need some weekly encouragement and hope, tied up with some humor? Subscribe and join the journey. Life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.
Join the discussion: What things have you seen dissolve a friendship faster than a melting ice cube?
May link up at Holley Gerth (#coffeeforyourheart), Lori Schumaker (#Moments of Hope), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Arabah Joy (#Grace & Truth).
More encouragement:
- How Knowing Your Husband Can Impact Him for Good - March 24, 2022
- How to Stop Focusing on What’s Wrong with You - March 9, 2022
- Is God Really Good All the Time? - February 24, 2022
These are so great, Theresa! I don’t want to add any, because a couple of them have given me enough to work on for right now. Friendships are a priceless gift–thanks for helping us treasure that gift all the more.
Glad you enjoyed the post. And don’t worry Jeanelle, you are in good company. We all have things we need to work on when it comes to friendships. But the blessings of friends is worth it. Thanks for your friendship.
Amazingly thorough list, Theresa, with a pointed twist. I was just thinking today that I’m not deliberate enough with praise and encouragement so maybe I’ll work on number 5! Thank you!
Number 5 is a good one. It is so easy to point out what people do wrong, especially those closest to us, like our mates and kids. (Come one, isn’t there only one way to load the dishwasher?) I am working on 5 too. Seeing my son’s face light up when I praise him for just being such a good kid for no reason at all, is convicting.
Sounds like a strong list to lean on for life in general. Loved the way you twisted it to bring a smile, too. Enjoyed the visit, Theresa, and the wisdom waiting. You are a gifted storyteller. 😉 #heartencouragementThursday
Thanks, Kristi. It brought a smile to me as I was writing it. But it was also convicting. It helped me see some of these traits from a different viewpoint. That often some of these bad traits others have may not have much to do about me and how they think about me. That it may have more to do with them and their reasoning for doing it.
I enjoyed reading this, Theresa. You pulled a smile from me a couple of times. And I saw myself in at least a couple of the areas that I need to work on. 😐
Thanks. I was shooting for a humorous tone to take the sting out of the things we do need to work on.
This list makes me smile, Theresa. Yet sometimes we still do these very things! Thanks for showing us what NOT to do so we will know what to do. 🙂
You are welcome Lisa. It is hard not to do some of these things, but hopefully not to the extent that they chase away our fiends. 🙂
Theresa – What a well thought out list to remind us what not to do. I picked up on a few things I need to avoid. Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Christian Link-Up. Maree
Glad to share, Maree. I had a lot of fun with this list.
Theresa … no wonder comparison is right at the top of the list! It’s such a subtle killer, isn’t it. And we’re seeing it emerge even more so in this social media / blogging world that’s become so much a part of our lives.
A great list, and good warnings to be aware of.
Bless you!
I recently head the saying, “Comparison killer is called a killer for a reason. It kills relationships.” That made a lot of sense.