Do you ever see someone else and suddenly do a double take?
Maybe they look like your twin. Are wearing something you own. Saying something you would say. Have the same name and hair color. Or they have some quirky mannerism you have been teased about all your life.
Anyway, you stop and stare and can’t quite tear your eyes away from them, even if you are beginning to feel a bit like a scary stalker.
We were ordering ice cream when I turned around and there was a lady walking towards us with her husband and kids. And darn, if she wasn’t wearing my skirt — the same blue pencil skirt splashed with brown and tan flowers that I had at home in my closet.
I looked at her again and realized it wasn’t my size, so she hadn’t snuck into my closet and borrowed, or stolen my skirt. But what was she doing with my skirt?
I kept watching her, feeling like she was imitating me. Like she had stolen my identity. As if I was somehow watching myself. I was caught in a deja-vu moment. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
I felt like saying, “Will the real Theresa please stand up!”
How I let my self-identity and worth be stolen?
It was a skirt I had bought last year. One I thought conveyed my personality. Of course, I knew I hadn’t bought the only one. But it was the first time I had bumped into someone wearing something I owned. Something so distinctive. Not like a gray t-shirt or black leggings that everyone else had.
We eventually wandered away, but I kept thinking about that lady wearing my skirt.
Obviously, she wasn’t trying to imitate me or pretend to be me, but it kinda felt like it. And it felt like maybe she was a better me.
Suddenly I felt like I wasn’t as unique as I thought I was. Or was told I was.
I wondered if she had the same taste in clothes as me. In what other ways were we alike?
She didn’t steal my identity, but suddenly it felt compromised. Almost fake. Not quite real.
And yet I was still the same person. Nothing had changed, expect I had seen another woman wearing my skirt.
On a good day this would have had me laughing and complimenting her good taste, but on that day it had me doubting and wondering.
Maybe because she looked more put together than I did. She appeared more confident, relaxed, and her children were smiling and looked to be about perfect.
She didn’t look like she had fought with her toddler to get his shoes on. Made only popcorn and apple slices for dinner. Had a run in with her teen. Or words with her husband.
See, that is what comparison looks like. Them winning, and you feeling lower than a flattened and blackened penny.
And all because she was wearing my skirt that I thought looked like me. Maybe was me, on some days.
Self-identity and worth, what contributes to them?
If we are not careful our identity gets stolen. Compromised. Hidden. Disbelieved.
We doubt ourselves. Question ourselves. Compare ourselves. Feel like imposters.
We do everything but believe the truth of God. Who says we are his beloved. His child bought and paid for. Whom he delights in.
We instead listen to the voices in our head. The voices whispered by our enemy saying we are not enough or do enough. We listen to the voices of society that tells us we should be all and do all.
The lies get louder than the truth. They dare us to prove them wrong, and we can’t. Not of our own power. Not of our own strength.
Improving your identity and self-worth problems.
Ladies, this is our dilemma. Are we going to believe the voices of others that lie to us, or are we going to choose to believe the truth teller who loves more than we can even fathom?
Are we going to argue and protest and say no way when he calls us beloved? Or are we going to say thank you and accept the free gift he is handing us?
Are we going to try to earn our worth and identity by what we do and accomplish, or accept what he has accomplished for us and freely gives us?
Are we going to believe the lies swirling in our head and around us, or believe his truth captured in written words?
Don’t let someone or yourself tell you that you are not of worth. Because you are. Not because of what you say or do, but because he says you are.
Don’t let your past, present, mistakes, sins, or faults determine your identity. We don’t need to be perfect because he is.
Don’t let your identity be determined by others — your mother, kids, husband, friend, boss, teacher, co-worker, neighbor, or your negative self-talk. Evaluate their words and see if they are true? Right? Do they align with your true identity given by God?
Tell yourself the truth daily. Tell your sisters the truth. Your children. Your mate. Your co-workers and neighbors.
You are valuable. Loved. Precious. Enough. Your worth comes from being his and not what we do or say.
Let us proclaim the truth loudly and drown out the lies that are swirling through the air stealing and trying to change our God given identity. Our worth.
Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.
Theresa
P.S. To protect our identity and worth we need to listen to the right voices. What Voices Are You Listening To?
If you need some weekly encouragement and hope, tied up with some humor? Subscribe and join the journey. Life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.
Join the Discussion: What steals your worth or identity?
May link up at Jennifer Dukes Lee (#tellhisstory); Holley Gerth (#coffeeforyourheart), Lori Schumaker (#Moments of Hope), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Arabah Joy (#Grace & Truth).
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Thanks so much for this reminder about where to place our identity and the problems comparison can bring us! This reminds me of the Zach Williams song, Fear is a Liar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQTnREEtuNk Thanks for sharing today. 🙂 Your neighbor #52 on Holley’s linkup.
Thanks for stopping by, Bethany. Love that song. So full of truth. I wish we learned these truths as a child. Blessing on your day.
Hi Theresa, I know I’m my own worst critic and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. Thank you for reminding me that my worth comes from God, not from other people or even from myself. I pray that we will all see ourselves as God does. Many blessing to you!
Hi Connie, just know we are all in the same boat and on the same journey. Praying we get glimpses of how God sees us. Thanks for sharing, sweet friend.
I get book deal envy. That’s really the only thing I get envious of. Ok, maybe that and subscription list envy. It’s hard to be patient and let things happen in God’s own time (and to figure out if I’m just being too timid or if I’m wisely waiting for God to work.
Thanks, Ojeda. As a fellow writer I am right there with you. Waiting can be hard.
Such a wonderful reminder! Just this week my son told me I’d be more likely to notice my imperfections than others would be. It’s important to remember how God sees us–as His daughters.
Your neighbor at Coffee for Your Heart,
Tammy
Yes, and it is so important for our children to hear that we struggle with these things and how we view our self. I want my children to know the lies we tell ourselves and be better prepared to fight them than I was at their age. Keep it up, Tammy.
Write that book soon Theresa B! Everyone needs to read this. We need positive words like these. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. You ever consider becoming a motivational speaker? Great work!
Thanks Colleen. I would love to speak and encourage women and get them laughing with funny stories. Glad I could remind you of the truth. And yes, some day that book is coming.
Thank you for the reminder that our identity is in Christ rather than in what the world says. I often read blogs, facebook, and other social media and feel less than. I look at my messy house and feel like I’m failing. I need the constant reminder that in Christ I am a beloved daughter.
It is so easy to look around and feel less than. Maybe because we never see below the surface and don’t know the real story. I remember one lady asking her listeners why they read magazines that when they finished they felt worse than when they started? This question has helped me with my reading habits. It is so easy to focus on our faults and fail to see that God loves us faults and all. That he calls us daughter and beloved, not because we are perfect, but because we are his and he sees us through eyes of love. And don’t we do this with our loved ones? I look at my kids and love them despite their faults and failings. Just because they are mine. If We do this as humans, imagine how much greater God does this for us.
What timing! Just this morning I finish an amazing book from the library:
10 Things Jesus Never Said
(and why you should STOP believing them)
by Will Davis Jr.
Blessings & Thanks for the reminder!
Thanks Sherry. Sounds like a great book. We need to be identifying the lies we believe and loosening the power they have over us.
And watch when people try to copy more than your clothes or do something better than you, imitation may be flattery but sometimes it’s just flat. Be yourself!
Yes. Being ourself. Loving ourself. Being comfortable with ourself.
Theresa, It is so awkward to see someone in our clothes. I love how you turned you encounter into a beautiful post. I don’t want to listen to the voice of others telling me who I should be. I want to listen to God. Thank you for the reminder.
I am excited to announce I am now co-hosting Grace and Truth. Thank you for linking up with us.
Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Maree
Marree. Great news about co-hosting Grace and Truth. You will be a wonderful addition. You have a way of sharing truth and helping women.
Yes, I hope we listen more to God and who he says we are, than to the voices of others.
There’s peace in being secure and living confident in our identity in Christ. May we never forget that through Jesus Christ we are children of the only living God. Thanks for this reminder, Theresa. Blessings to you.
Great point, Boma. We need to be confident in our identity in Christ. And when we are confident, it will change our thoughts and actions. Blessings.
Somewhere today I read this, “Don’t compare, CONNECT!” Works with this post. xo
That is perfect, Susan. If we are busy connecting, we won’t be comparing.
Hi Theresa! It is funny how the strangest of moments can trigger feelings of insecurity. It’s a battle we all fight, yet one we know we can win when we grasp the depth of God’s love for us. Thank you for this hope-filled reminder. It was so beautifully written. ♥
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
You are so right. When we grasp God’s love for us, the physical insecurities just kinda fade away. Now if we could remember this always! Blessings to you, Lori, and for your ministry.
You are such a good storyteller Theresa! I was following along with every word. Lol I can relate to the process that one observation had with you. One little thing leads to another and then we find ourselves doubting who we are and our worth. Great post!
Thanks, Gretchen. You are so right. Often it is the little things that make us doubt our self and our worth.
What an inspiration your posts are! I subscribed to your blog and am looking forward to listening to your podcasts. Blessings!
Thanks Carri. Happy listening and blessings to you.