The Heart We Are Breaking When We Lie About Our Self

One day I overhead one of my children putting them self down. In an angry voice saying they were no good and stupid.

Well, that raised my hackles faster than anyone putting me down.

I paused outside the partially opened door. Trying to calm down. Take a few breaths. So, fire would not emerge when I spoke.

Slowly I opened the door and saw my child heaped on the floor in a pile of self-pity and anger.

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Me. I am so stupid.”

“No, you are not,” I countered. Sitting down and pulling them to my lap.

“Yes, I am.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I am. I got those math problems wrong and I should have gotten them right.”

“Who says?”

They looked at me.

“Well,” I said. “I am your momma and I birthed you and I say you are smart, kind, a joy, and so precious. You are such a blessing to me and others.”

“Really?”

“Yup. So, you got a few math problems wrong. That doesn’t make you stupid. Those can be redone. We can learn what we don’t know. Not knowing something happens to all of us.”

“I guess.”

“But here is the part that hurts me the most.” I paused. “Not the math problems. But you lying to yourself. You saying you are stupid and no good. That lie about breaks my heart.”

“Why?”

“Because it is false. As your momma, I hear you say those words and it breaks my heart. Probably because you are telling yourself a lie. And maybe even believing it. And maybe because I am your momma and I know you so well. In a way I feel like you are part of me and when you call yourself stupid and no good, I feel like it is my fault and I am too.”

I don’t know about you, but to this day, when I hear one of children say something hurtful and untrue to themselves, it breaks my heart.

It doesn’t happen often, but if I hear them, my first instinct is to yell, “stop!”

“Stop lying to yourself. Stop putting yourself down.”

I don’t often say it, but sometimes I am thinking, “Stop, because it hurts me to hear you say that.”

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

The Lies we Believe.

 

Kids give us new awareness. New understanding.

One day I was calling myself stupid out loud. Thinking no one was around. Frustrated with how events were unfolding and realizing how little control I have when it comes to daily life turning out the way I wish.

My child heard me.

“Mom!” they said. “That is not true. Remember you are not to tell yourself lies.”

Well, they had been listening. And were now preaching back at me when I needed it.

“Be nice to yourself.” They reminded me with a hug.

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

The lies we tell ourselves.

 

We have this habit of telling our self lies. Of putting our self down. Of criticizing our self according to the standards of another, or our own.   Sometimes we even engage in destructive behavior.

What would our children, friends, and mates think if they heard the voices and thoughts in our head? If those voices were said aloud?

Probably their hearts would break, and they would say, “Be nice to yourself.”

“Quit lying to yourself.”

“Don’t believe those lies. ”

And we would say something similar back to them.

Because friends don’t let friends put themselves down.

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

The heart that breaks when we tell our self lies.

 

Since that conversation where I thought my heart would break when I heard my child calling them self no good and stupid, I have wondered what does God think when we say similar things about our self?

We are his children. His creation. His beloved.

How this must break his heart.

How he must want to tell us to stop.

Stop with the lies.

Stop with the hate directed at our self.

Stop with the disgust directed at our self.

Stop comparing our self to unrealistic standards and feeling like failures.

Stop. Because his heart is breaking for us.

All the while pulling us into his lap and stroking our hair.

 

Remember this.

We are his beloved children.

He never hands out disgust, shame, condemnation, or incrimination.

Instead he hands us grace. Love. Truth. A sunset. A laugh. And other good gifts.

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

Prayer: Lord, help us to see ourselves through your eyes. As your creation. To know deep in our hearts, we are your beloved child – no matter what we do or say, or how we feel. You will never leave us, shame us, or condemn us. We are yours and have been bought at a great price. Help us receive your grace and love as the true gifts they are. Amen

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Theresa


Having trouble enjoying life? Reconciling your current reality with how you wish life really was? Get a free PDF with 12 tips to help you enjoy your life right now. Subscribe and join the journey. You will also receive weekly encouragement and hope tied up with some humor. Because life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.


Join the Discussion: How do you feel when a loved one puts them self down? What is your first instinct?

 

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.May link up at Kelly Balarie (#purposeful faitht), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), Anita Ojeda (#inspirememonday), and Mary Geison (#tellhisstory).

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

How the lies of negative self-talk hurt more than just us.

Stop Being Embarrassed About Your Superpower, Ladies, and Instead Embrace It

Girls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's dayGirls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's day
You see it in young girls.

 

A little girl is holding her baby doll to her chest and talking to it. Something distracts her and off she wanders. Soon she notices her brother tossing her baby off the picnic bench where she had so carefully placed her. It seems her brother wants the doll’s seat. Indignation rises in the small girl and she marches over to her older brother and starts demanding he treat her baby nicely. Doesn’t he know he has hurt her baby?

“She’s not even real,” he mutters.

“She is too!” the indignant little mother shouts, pulling the baby close. “And you hurt her by tossing her on her head.”

“Fat chance. She is plastic,” he says. “I could kick her all the way across the field like a ball and I wouldn’t hurt your silly old doll.”

The girl’s eyes widen in horror just imagining her brother’s remark and the cruelty he could inflict. “She is real, and you would hurt her,” she frowns, her eyes filled with tears. “And if you did that I would . . . I would . . .,” she pauses, trying to think of the worst punishment she could inflict on her older and meaner brother. “I would kick you down the field.”

Not wanting to hear anything more from her brother, and to provide some finality to her pronouncement, which she is not sure she could really do, she turns and flounces off. Her baby is safely protected in her arms.

The boy sniffs and starts reaching for the crackers and cheese. He thinks his sister is overly dramatic and a bit crazy. That doll is no more real than a rock. And rocks are for throwing.

Girls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's dayGirls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's day

You see it in grown women.

 

“You really think that is a wise thing to do,” a 30 something lady questions her brother about buying a motorcycle. “When are you ever going to grow up and quit acting like a little kid?”

 

You see it in old women.

 

My pre-teen son and two neighbor boys are outside playing basketball in the chilly winter wind. Two are in short sleeves tee-shirts, the other in a long sleeve tee-shirt. My 90-year-old neighbor sees them and asks them where their coats are. She tells them to get their coats and put them on. They shrug and keep playing.

Several male neighbors have seen them and have not sent the boys inside for their coats. Only the female neighbor is concerned. So concerned, she asks my husband, who is also outside, why the boys are not wearing their coats.

You see it in women of all ages. This nurturing, protecting, preserving, sacrificing, mothering instinct.

Girls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's dayGirls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's day

This instinct to:

 

Care for the weak and helpless.

Sacrifice for the overlooked.

Protect the weaker and smaller ones.

Nurture and provide for things that need it.

Fight to right the wrongs of injustice.

This mother instinct is something we women are born with. It is wrapped into our DNA and it comes out in various and numerous ways.

We pull up the zipper of a small child whose coat is not zipped.

We offer our sandwiches to the hungry at the park.

We rescue mistreated animals.

We lecture others on justice and fairness and then start an organization to help those in need.

We shut down the bully who is picking on someone weaker, younger, and different.

We rush outside to rescue the bird who has just flown into our sliding glass door. And then we cry when it dies.

We coddle dying plants back to life.

We become a teacher to make a difference in the lives of others.

We become like mother bears and wolverines when our children or loved ones are in danger, need help, or are being mistreated.

We nag and lecture our spouses, brothers, neighbors, and co-workers when their actions are deemed insensitive or wrong.

We grieve with those weeping.

Girls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's dayWe take dinner to those suffering a loss of a loved one or the joy or a new baby.

We start companies and become attorneys and doctors to change things and help others.

We run for office and make legislation to make the world a better place.

Like a mother hen gathering her chicks to safety, we care for and try to protect those around us.

This mothering instinct is in our blood. Our habits. Our mannerisms.

It is a part of us.

It is a superpower. 

You may not be a mother in the traditional sense, but in a way, we are all mothering animals, organizations, children, or people around us.

Use your mothering skills for good. Help the weak and needy. Sacrifice for the necessary. Nurture and protect those who need it.

Mother’s Day is around the corner. Let it be a reminder of that wonderful and awesome mothering spirit that resides in you. Celebrate it. Embrace it. Use it and share it with others.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Theresa


Having trouble enjoying life? Reconciling your current reality with how you wish life really was? Get a free PDF with 12 tips to help you enjoy your life right now. Subscribe and join the journey. You will also receive weekly encouragement and hope tied up with some humor. Because life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.


Join the Discussion: What are some ways you use your mothering spirit and instinct?

Girls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's day

May link up at Kelly Balarie (#purposeful faitht), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), Anita Ojeda (#inspirememonday), and Mary Geison (#tellhisstory).

Girls and women of all ages have the mothering instinct, To protect, nurture, and sacrifice for things outside them self. Children, animals, injustice, the week. Embrace it and use it for the good of others. #mothering #kindness to others #making the world better #mother's day

 

The Life of Experience and Changing Perspectives

An out-of-state friend and I text back and forth. Setting a time to call and discuss a book we were reading.

(Which of course, often turns into a catch-up-and-gab time. Oh, and let’s-talk-about-the-book before we hang up time.)

We decide to call tomorrow. 2:00

Tomorrow arrives, and after looking at my calendar that morning, I remember the scheduled chat. I even remember once again as I was eating lunch.

Next thing I knew the sun was setting, I was cleaning up dinner plates, and 2:00 had clearly come and gone.

It wasn’t the first self-made plan that hadn’t taken shape at my house. Nor will it be the last.

I know this fact – that plans can fail to turn out as planned — as deeply as I know my name. Time and experience have instilled this in my mind multiple times over. (As if I keep forgetting it and need to be reminded yet again.)

I texted my friend. “Dear me!!! I think we both forgot we were going to talk today at 2:00. Oh well! Life!!”

And I could almost hear her laughing an hour later when she texted back.

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.

 

Life’s Education.

 

Life has a way of educating us. Smoothing us. Calming us. Providing perspective.

If this had happened in my earlier days, say my 20’s. I would have been horrified I forgot to call. Embarrassed and worried when she didn’t call me. Stressed that I had somehow given her the wrong impression of me or my intensions. I may have even worried it into a shape bigger than a bread box and asked my husband’s opinion. By bedtime, I would have worried it into the shape of an empty room complete with a trapped rhino.

And this I know for a fact. Rhinos are not good bed fellows. They keep you up with all their moving and leg kicking. And then their horn is pretty sharp, so you have to be careful of where their head is located, in relation to you.

By the first light of dawn, I would have had blood shot eyes from lack of sleep. And convinced myself that I was now facing a mini crisis.

I do not miss those sleepless days where I doubted and mico-analyzed myself and life.

Nope, I have told that rhino to sleep elsewhere. That the bed is to small for him to sleep with me anymore.

Yup, after life educating me over and over with anything and everything not going as planned, and still the world not collapsing in on itself like a black hole sucking me into another dimension, I am much calmer and am able to take things more in stride.

At least most of the time.

Because I am done with churning stomachs and stress and worry turning into a downward funnel that sucks my joy into nothingness.

Well, at least most days.

And if I catch myself soon enough, the rhino is only a squirrel.

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.

 

In the big scheme of things (and life), it probably doesn’t matter that much.

 

That’s what I have learned over the years.

After many mishaps and things going zig and zag, instead of linear as I planned in my Day-Timer and brain. I have realized that most things don’t carry as much weight as I initially think they may.

What things? You may be asking?

Not getting dinner made.

Forgetting someone’s name and calling them something totally unrelated.

Little boys peeing in the front yard. 

Babies shooting things from both ends onto my clothes.

Showing up a day late for a birthday party.

Tossing the unopened Amazon box out and the garbage team collecting it before I remember.

Forgetting to bring food to the potluck.

My son’s bird pooping on a guest.

My child having a meltdown during church.

Being late. Being early. Not even showing up.

Not getting the bible study lesson read before the meeting.

Burning dinner minutes before company arrives.

Forgetting to call my friend at 2:00.

Yup. Things like this happen to most people. (Even if they don’t admit it.)

This is all just part of life. (Or at least my life.)

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.

 

The benefits of perspective.

 

Finally learning that life rarely goes as planned, but instead takes detours and crosses mountain passes without warning, has its benefits.

I am calmer.

I can laugh at myself and life more.

I can save my energy for more important things, like that afternoon nap.

I can just breathe and let it go.

And I try not to base my worth on what I do or don’t do.

I have also leaned grace and compassion for myself and others. (Because I see their life not going as planned sometimes!)

Yup, if your kid has a meltdown in swim class, I am more sympathetic and don’t judge. I think, hey, I can relate. And will probably toss you a smile and words of encouragement. Because I have been there.

That’s the great thing about the Life of Experience. It slowly chips away and changes your perspective.

You begin to take yourself and the detours of life a little less seriously.

And that’s a beautiful thing.

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Theresa

 


Having trouble enjoying life? Reconciling your current reality with how you wish life really was? Get a free PDF with 12 tips to help you enjoy your life right now. Subscribe and join the journey. You will also receive weekly encouragement and hope tied up with some humor. Because life is sweeter when we walk alongside one another.


Join the Discussion: How has your perspective changed over the years?

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.

May link up at Kelly Balarie (#purposeful faitht), Lori Schumaker (#Moments of Hope), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), and Kristin Hill Taylor (#porchstories).


Sometimes you meet a friendly, but wild squirel, who wants a little petting!

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.

Learning from life experiences changes everything. Suddenly those things you thought mattered so much, don't really. Because now you have perspective.