Sometimes we learn best through humor and seeing what NOT to do. Learn 9 easy steps on how to NOT listen. The solution is easy. Success is guaranteed. So, come on. There is nothing to lose, but your friends.
Who has the time or energy to listen?
Probably not many of us.
It can be downright difficult trying to make sense of someone’s ramblings.
It’s like trying to sort through a bunch of random puzzle pieces, pulling out the necessary ones, and sticking them together into a comprehensible picture without a box top for guidance.
You might have had that kind of time and energy when you were about 5, but these days, life is probably sucking most of your time and energy from you.
The solution is easy.
Applicable for anyone.
Follow these few easy tips.
Success is guaranteed.
Quit listening.
Yes, it’s that simple.
Quit listening to all those people clamoring for your attention, wanting bits of your time, thinking you want to listen to their boring day details.
Time and energy will start being available for you to use other ways.
I am sure, more profitable ways.
There are numerous ways to do this without being to obvious.
Wearing ear plugs 24/7 is a bit annoying, though it can work. But it also clues people into your intentions a little to boldly.
I’m thinking you want to be a bit more subtle.
All these tips are subtle. Your friends won’t even realize you are intending NOT to listen to them. They may in fact, think it is them and not you.
And that is what you want.
Success without making yourself look diminished in any way.
Let’s get started.
Ready for the nine secret tips that will change your life?
To appear like you are not listening you need to already never be listening.
Here’s how:
1. Love the sound of your voice. Delight in the melodic tune of your voice more than any other voice. When you revel in the sound of your voice, you will want to talk more, and more, and more. This helps guarantee you hear your voice more than others. And when you hear your voice more, you have to listen less.
2. Learn to interrupt. Don’t wait around for a polite opening to manifest itself, jump right in with both heels and just talk. The sooner the better. Remember, your voice is the one you want to hear. Besides, you don’t have the time or energy to sort through their gobbelty gook.
3. Act like you are the most important person in the conversation. Because you are. You already agree with your opinions. Know what you are going to say. And you have your facts straighter than your opponent does.
4. Make everything about you. Anytime the conversation deviates onto another topic, pivot it back to you. It may take some practice, but you will soon get the hang of it and realize you are the most important person in the conversation and that people need to learn more about you.
5. Remember the eardrum and mouth ratio. You were given one mouth to fill the other person’s two ear drums. This requires a lot of talking.
6. Be thinking of what to say. Concentrating on their words is just a waste of time and takes too much energy. So, forget it. Always be focusing on what you need to say next. As soon as it pops into your head proceed to point 2.
7. Never ask them a question. You don’t have the time to wait around for their answer. Besides, it makes them feel that the conversation may be partly about them. And it’s not. Review points #3 and #4.
If you ask a question, make it rhetorical, and then immediately answer it from your vast knowledge and information you alone possess.
8. Don’t look at them. Instead, look at your phone. The ceiling fan. Your nails. The wall behind you. You don’t want them thinking this is a give and take conversation.
9. Be defensive. If they accuse you of not listening to them and their concerns, immediately get defensive and accuse them of something. (Criticizing them also works.) It doesn’t matter if it is true or not; in fact, the more outlandish it is, the more they will sputter and be on the defensive. Now you are off the hook. This is also a good time to walk away. You have better things to do than listen to their comebacks.
Time to practice.
There is no time like the present to start practicing.
With these 9 strategies and tips you are well on your way to already never be listening. Which means you will have more time and energy for you to do what you want to do.
Start practicing.
Many of these will come easily. Some will be harder.
If you follow through, success is guaranteed.
People will stop talking to you. Coming to you with their problems. Wanting to include you in their life. Inviting you out for coffee.
You may have a few less friends, but you will have more time and energy for those long evenings and weekends all by yourself.
Of course, you could do exactly the opposite of these nine things. And in the process, you will become a better listener.
The choice is yours.
Hi friend!
Thanks for laughing with me. Or perhaps smiling. I cracked myself up while writing this.
Sometimes learning what not to do is the best teacher. This has happened so many times in my life. Seeing what not to do, helps me know what to do.
When I started teaching English and wasn’t sure how to go about it, all I had to do was look back and remember what I disliked about my teachers. By knowing what not to do, I knew what to do.
If you like learning with humor and looking at what not to do check out this post. 15 Ways to Kill a Friendship (What Not to Do).
May we listen better than we did before.
Theresa
Join the discussion: What helps you listen?
May link up at Kelly Balarie (#purposeful faith), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), Anita Ojeda (#inspirememonday), InstaEncouagements ((IE Link-Up), and Mary Geison (#tellhisstory).
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Ha! Thank you for the laughs, Theresa. Great tips on what NOT to do. I must admit, I was convicted by #6. I sometimes am formulating my response before the person I am speaking with has stopped talking. Working on it! 🙂
You and me both, Laurie. I am sometimes silently reminding myself what to say when they stop, so the thought doesn’t dissolve from my mind. Unfortunately, I can not do two things at the same time. Either I am listening, or I am not. 🙂
Theresa, hi! This is SO VERY spot on!
Sometimes we finally see ourselves through the laughter …
So true, Linda. Laughing at our self can help us admit we need to change.
Thank you for sharing this important message in a humorous way! Great reminders of what not to do! I especially like “Act like you are the most important person in the conversation.” 🙂 These are beautiful photos too! I’m visiting from the Grace & Truth linkup today. Have a great weekend Theresa!
Hi Marielle! Welcome. I know I learn through humor, and I assume others do too. Blessings on your weekend.
Funny! BTW, I love the photographs. I can see you love flowers. I do too.
Yup, you caught me. I do love flowers.
What a fun list of things to do so we won’t have to listen! Number nine cracked me up—the outlandish accusation. I know a few people like that. What a relief to now know their intent 😂.
I’m learning to listen by rephrasing what I understand the person to say. Sometimes, I’m way off base.
Yes, I was hoping we would see others and our self in some of these. Hopefully not in all of them. 🙂 Listening is such hard work, and something we are not really taught. My husband and I use paraphrasing sometimes. It really does show that we can be hearing something entirely different.
oh my gosh, sooo funny!! Love this snarky post, totally my jam! 🙂 Yes, oh how we need to be better listeners and still our minds enough to hear the Lord and others over the sound of our own voice! the pictures are gorgeous too!!
Thanks, Mariel, that was the idea. Stilling our minds is such a good thing. It does take practice, but we can learn so much from listening to God and others. And our relationships will thank us.
Excellent advice. Sharing this one
Excellent advice. When I was teaching children, I loved quizzing them by saying there won’t be an answer. It teachers them to think. Pinned
We all need to be taught to listen. Even children. It doesn’t come naturally.
I did laugh, but also cringed through these tips, because don’t we all do one or two along the way? Ouch. Great post, Theresa!
Yes, most of us do one or two. I’ve even been known to do a lot more for some conversations. 🙂
Ahhh, Theresa, you have a great sense of humor! Great post on what NOT to do to keep relationships strong! My husband taught me a lot early on about how to listen without interrupting. It’s helped our marriage so much to have a “let the other person finish” policy.
Jeanne. That is something I am still working on. Not interrupting when I get excited and want to get my point across before the thoughts fly out of my little brain. Most people don’t want to listen, though, if they are interrupted. So in the end, it’s best for both of us when I let the other person finish.
This was great! I have to read it again and hope I don’t do any of those things. 😬
Thanks Rochelle. I think part of what makes it funny is that we see ourselves and others and realize we sometimes do some of these things. Albeit often in a more toned down manner.
Theresa, this was so much fun. I really liked the one on having to talk a lot to fill up two ears!
Thanks, Debbie. It was fun to write and think of the annoying non listening things we do. That was one of my favorite points too.