Spiritual shame is where we feel shame regarding anything to do with our spiritual life. Find out how to conquer spiritual shame and walk in freedom.
I knocked on the door. Hoping I wasn’t found out before I was even assigned a task.
As the newest member of the lady’s group planning committee, I had no idea how the meetings went. Were they casual or did they follow Robert’s Rules of Order?
Once inside, I sat nervous on my straight back chair.
The other ladies chatted, and relaxed. But then they were the Deacon’s wife, the Elder’s wife, the pastor’s wife, and some ladies ensconced in service to who knows all what at the church.
I was a nobody. Definitely, the youngest one there with the least to offer.
When everyone finally claimed a seat, the head of the lady’s club turned to me and asked me to introduce myself and then pray for the meeting. Sweat poured from my skin. With stuttering words, I stumbled through, hoping I wasn’t sounding as incompetent as I felt. Wishing I was as spiritually put together as these ladies.
Have you ever been in a situation like this?
Felt inadequate to the other more mature and spiritual women in the room?
Maybe you were experiencing spiritual shame.
So, is spiritual shame a real thing?
Have you ever felt your life is not as spiritual as others?
That God talks to others, but not you?
Leads others, but not you?
Felt that you are not doing enough for God?
Have not produced enough good works?
That you are not qualified to do this or that spiritually?
That the reason you are having a bad day or currently experiencing a trial is because God is punishing you for something you did or didn’t do?
That you need to pray and go to church, or your life will fall apart?
That you don’t measure up to the model Christian women you see around you?
Ever wonder if God can use you with your current faults, past mistakes and sins, and life limitations?
If you answered yes, then you may have experienced spiritual shame.
What is spiritual shame?
Spiritual shame is where we feel shame regarding anything to do with our spiritual life.
It’s that voice that likes to whisper lies to us.
Spiritual shame makes us feel like we don’t measure up. Are not good enough. Are spiritually unworthy. It blames us into thinking it is our fault and there is no real cure. It reminds us that if only others knew the truth about us spiritually, they would scatter like we were lepers.
It has no grace or love. It doesn’t allow us to grow or change. It tears us down. It doesn’t present a solution. And it is a master liar.
We all have trigger points due to our experiences, past, and upbringing that will cause us to feel spiritual shame. Which means what brings one-person shame, may not shame another.
Some ways spiritual shame tries to entrap us:
- It holds our past against us. (“You’re unlovable and have been ever since you were abused. You don’t fit in at this church.”)
- It tells us we don’t measure up to the norm. (“All the other women in bible study look polished and have their lives are together. Who are you kidding? You don’t belong here.”)
- It has unrealistic rules and expectations and reminds us when we fail at them. (“5 minutes after quiet time and you’ve lost your temper again with the kids. Why do you waste your time praying?”)
- It compares us to others. (“She leads bible studies and you don’t.”)
- It wants us to think about how others are perceiving us and point out how we are failing. (“She is going to think you are selfish for that decision.”)
- It reminds us of our past bad decisions, mistakes, and life choices and how they keep us from serving God. (divorce, abortion, addictions, bankruptcy.)
- It wants our limitations to hold us back from spiritual transformation. (No college degree, poor upbringing, dyslexia, health problems.)
- It guilts us with our privileges. (“You can’t minster to the homeless because you’ve never been homeless.”)
Shame versus God’s truth.
The goal of spiritual shame is different from God’s goals.
Spiritual shame wants us to forget who we are and whose we are. With its lies, it attacks our God given identity.
Spiritual shame never sounds like the voice of God.
It distorts our identity through lies. While God’s truth releases us from lies and gives us a new identity.
It wants us to pretend to be something and someone we are not. While God wants us to be our wonderful selves he created each of us to be
It wants us to envy and compare ourselves. God wants us to be content and at peace with who we are.
It wants to entrap us, isolate us. While God frees us, releases us.
Spiritual shame wants us to give up. God wants us to press forward and use his power.
It says there is no cure and it’s our fault. God says he has the cure and is the cure.
It wants us to think we are un-loveable. But the truth is God loves us no matter what we do or say, and he will never stop.
Spiritual shame wants our identity to come from our mistakes, our past, our sins, and limitations. From things we did and didn’t do that we are not proud of.
God wants our identity to come from who he says we are. He wants us to know we are beloved, and he delights in us. He pardons our sins and does not condemn us in any way, but clothes us in white robes. God focuses on our future, not our past, and always tells us the truth.
How to overcome spiritual shame.
- Replace the lies of spiritual shame with the truth of God. When we replace the lies of spiritual shame with God’s truth, the lies no longer have as big a grip on us.
- Know your worth, who God says you are. And believe it.
- Be vulnerable with safe people. Relationships can hurt us the most, but also heal us the most. Empathy and acceptance, learning with others, realizing we are not alone or the only one, heals both us and them. God designed us to be in community with others.
- Don’t compare yourself with others. Seek God’s approval, not men’s. Galations 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
- Give yourself grace. And then more grace. God does.
- Know we are all at different stages spiritually. Don’t despair your immaturity or be overconfident in your maturity. God uses us all.
- Know yourself and have realistic expectations. You may never be a teacher, but you may be a wonderful encourager. God doesn’t expect us to be anyone but who he made us to be. So, delight in who he made you to be. He does.
- Realize shame can be used by God to benefit us. In God’s upside-down world, God can use shame to benefit us and others.
Spiritual shame happens. It’s part of life and being human. Jesus didn’t come to spiritually shame us, but to free us from spiritual shame.
Remember it’s not all about us. Keep your eyes looking upward so you remember that he chose you. Forgave you. Redeems you. Loves you. And is making you into a glorious new creature.
Check out this resource that covers everything you need to know about shame, including frequently asked questions.
Or take the Shame Quiz and begin to identify how shame is distorting your identity and worth. Once we know the lies that shame is wanting us to believe, we can more easily crush them with the truth.
Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.
Theresa
Download a free guided exercise to help you heal from shame
Download a free PDF freebie, “What to Do When You Are Feeling Shame: A Guided Exercise.” It will walk you through some practical exercises to deal with shame. Ending with how to avoid feeling shame in the future. My passion is to see you living shame-free; in glorious freedom. “What to Do When You Are Feeling Shame: A Guided Exercise” can help you step towards that freedom by breaking the lies of shame you believe and replacing those lies with the truth.
Read more about shame here: From Shame to Grace: How to Erase Shame From our Identities — a 12 part series:
We Are Not Meant to Live in Shame
There is No Shame in Feeling Shame
How the Lies of Shame Cause Us to Think We Are the Defective Ones
Environments Where Shame Thrives
The Symptoms of Shame and the 4 Ways It Makes You Feel
12 Ways That Misinterpreting Events Causes Shame
Shame versus Guilt: What’s the Big Difference?
Combat Shame by Knowing Your True Identity
Why We Use Shame on Others and Ourselves: 6 Eye Opening Reasons
Shame: Recognize It, Heal From It, Walk in Freedom
What If Shame Has a Bigger Purpose Than Us?
Spiritual Shame: What It is and How to Conquer It
May link up at Kelly Balarie (#purposeful faith), Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), Anita Ojeda (#inspirememonday), InstaEncouagements ((IE Link-Up), and Mary Geison (#tellhisstory).
An abbreviated version of this article appeared at Living By Design’s Saturday Soulfood October 24, 2020.
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This is such a wise post on spiritual shame. I am glad you pointed out the way it will entrap us and the goals of spiritual shame. Being aware of its tactics is the way to then take steps to overcome it. This is sure to be a helpful post for all of us as the enemy will constantly seek to attack our identity in Christ.
PS – Would you consider adding this to the linkup on my blog?
Yes Joanne, being aware of its tactics makes spiritual shame so much easier to overcome. Our enemy is always trying to get us to believe untruths about God and ourselves. And yes, I’d be happy to linkup on your blog.
Theresa, there’s so much truth in your post. I’ve definitely dealt with spiritual shame. It seems like this sneaky foe always gets our eyes looking outward rather than upward. And you’re so right, we begin to feel shame when we forget Whose we are. Thank you for your practical points.
I don’t think we can be a Christian for to many years before another person spiritually shames us or our inner voice spiritually shames us. If our enemy can get us to forget where our power comes from, what Jesus has done for us, and whose we are, then he has us distracted and ineffective.
What a great topic to dive into. I appreciate how you walk us through being released from shame and into God’s truth. Love the photos too!
Thanks Mary. God wants us walking shame free.
This hits so close to home for me. So much so, that I recently wrote a similar blog post. (I sometimes wonder if God led me to blogging for myself, not others!) Anyway, this was beautifully written and gives me great comfort. My sin is condemned, I am not. Knowing that it comes from the enemy is another powerful tool to help me instantly combat it with Truth. I was asked long ago to do the opening prayer for our Sunday school class and I said no! I could relate to your opening story.
Hugs AnnMarie. Yes, our sin is condemned, not us. Our enemy wants us to think it is us and keep us from remembering the truth that will set us free. Don’t worry, there will be another time when you are asked to give the opening prayer at Sunday school, or somewhere else, and you will say yes. God truly understands. And yay, for writing about this topic too. It is not something we talk about, and yet should.
Theresa, Thank you for this much needed lesson about Spiritual shame. I didn’t know many of the aspects you spoke about. Thank you for clarifying. Blessings.
You are so welcome, Paula. I wish I knew about this years ago. We often think the way we feel is also how God feels about us. But that is just not true.
Theresa, such a powerful post on spiritual shame! I appreciated the practical ways to know if you are suffering from spiritual shame (yes) and the great helps for overcoming. Additionally your presentation was uplifting, offering hope! Thank you!
Thanks Donna. Our enemy likes to use spiritual shame against us to defeat us and convince us that God cannot help us.
There are some great insights here. This is definitely something I’ve struggled with and it is an ongoing battle to remind myself of the truth. Finding our identity in God is so important.
It is an ongoing struggle to remind ourselves of the truth. So much of the Christian battle takes place in the mind. I was never taught this as a young Christian. But it seems to be a re-occurring theme as I have matured. Knowing our identity in God is also so important. It helps with so many problems.
I love how you point out that spiritual shame means we measure ourselves by our mistakes, mishaps, and shortcomings. It’s so easy to do that. I love your advice to set realistic expectations. All too often I expect way more of myself than anyone else does–and it just makes me feel inadequate and weary.
Why do we do that? Hold ourselves to higher standards and expectations than we do others? I have been working on this for years.
If there is any place where we should be free and feel acceptance, it should be the body of Christ. How sad when this is not the case.
So true, Michele. The body of Christ should be the most free, loving, and affirming place. I know we have belonged to churches that were not, and some that would receive higher marks. Definitely it is something we need to work on. When we are shaming others, it reflects badly on God. It is also not his way of motivating us or trying to get us to change. Shame leaves us without hope and thinking something is wrong with who we are (something we cannot change). God always leaves us with hope and provides the solution for us to change and grow. He also focuses on what we do, our behavior (which we can change), not on who we are.
What a wonderful topic to think about, Theresa! I think most of us can relate to feeling some spiritual shame. Our spiritual life should be the LAST place we feel shame. When we follow Christ’s call to cultivate a servant’s heart and to put others first, his call for compassion and love, we should put spiritual shame on the run. We ARE human, however, and when we mindlessly compare ourselves to others and deny ourselves God’s abundant grace, we leave the door open for shame to sneak in. Thank you for your great encouragement and tips to overcome this shame.
So well said, Laurie. We do leave the door open for spiritual shame to sneak in when we compare ourselves to others, forget whose we are and our identity in Christ, and deny ourselves grace. Our enemy will use whatever he can against us. Even spiritual shame.
I’m so grateful for God’s truth. That He doesn’t demand perfection, only a willing heart. Thanks for this wonderful reminder… 🤗
So thankful too, Laura. We would all be in trouble if he demanded perfection.
Thank you for these necessary words Theresa! As a visual artist believe me, the evil one can really have a field day if I let him. And I used to. I used to get my stomach in knots over every. little. thing. Shipping, what to charge, how to contact a client, even painting itself! It is hard work but it is what renewing the mind is all about and I am so glad I have come across your resource! I will definitely recommend this!
Thank you Denny.