Life is in a constant state of flux. We get used to being on vacation, and it’s time to go home. We get used to summer, and here comes fall. Nothing stays the same with us, others, or life.
We were lying in bed, darkness peeking through the window high above our bed. Succumbing to that drowsy relaxed state where sleep would be shortly sneaking up on us.
My husband, who was resting his hand on my tight and enlarged tummy said, “It won’t be long and you will be having the baby. Then life will return to normal.”
My invisible antenna rose, “Normal? What do you mean normal?”
Turns out his idea of normal was exactly as life had been before I got pregnant. Back before I had morning sickness every time he tried to crawl out of the waterbed, sending waves crashing under me. Normal was leaving for a spontaneous weekend visit to a nearby island. It was doing what we wanted whenever we wanted.
His normal was sounding like pre baby, not post baby.
Here was a guy talking who hadn’t ever held a baby, until just a few months ago. And that one time was still his grand total. Let’s just say he didn’t have any idea what a baby entailed.
Children were a foreign concept to him. He had never been a member of the babysitter club, nor had he earned any merit badges in boy scouts that focused on child development or caring for a child.
I, on the other hand, had younger siblings and had babysat other people’s little munchkins. This meant I knew about children. And while it would soon be proved I didn’t know as much as I previously thought, between the two of us, I was most definitely the resident expert.
I hated to break the news to him, but someone had to. “Our life will never be normal again. Children change everything.” I philosophized. “If we want to escape for a spontaneous weekend trip, we will need to lug the diaper bag, the baby, a stack of diapers, and a bunch of other stuff with us.”
“In fact,” I said, warming up to my topic and role as in-house expert, “we may never sleep soundly through the night again for months. You think I am the last to get in the car now, wait until I have to change and nurse the baby first.”
“I get it,” he said. “Normal has changed.”
“Better yet,” I added. “It’s disappeared. Never to return. We are going to learn a new normal. ”
I was going to educate him on some more life altering news, but unfortunately, he was already asleep.
Change is constant.
Our normal is always changing.
Sometimes we know it’s coming. Sometimes we don’t.
I knew a baby would change our lives. But other times I have been taken by surprise.
Like the first time I returned home after moving out. A sibling was now living in my old room. Things were clearly different.
The house also seemed smaller. Less familiar. And it didn’t seem people missed me as much as I imagined they would.
But isn’t this life?
We get used to being a couple, and along comes a child. We get used to them being an infant and have finally figured out the answers to some of their problems, and then they are a toddler with new and different problems. We get used to them being a moody teenager, then they head off to college and the house is quieter than ever. We get used to working and we retire.
Life is in a constant state of flux.
We get used to being on vacation, and it’s time to go home. We get used to summer, and here comes fall.
Nothing stays the same with us, others, or life.
We may be looking backward wishing for the used to be normal, or we may be looking forward to a hopefully better normal.
We may also be living in the present. Enjoying what is and where we find our self.
The longing for things to return to familiar.
Sometimes it is not just circumstances that change.
We change or someone near us changes.
Because we often associate certain activities with normal life, we think doing them will return things to the way they were before.
But sometimes this is not to be. Maybe we have changed because of a hard trial. Health issue. Death of a loved one. A shattering event.
After our accident, when I was homebound for months, I kept thinking that when I was recovered enough to return to work, life would finally return back to normal and things would be familiar. The old routine would fall into place and life would be like it was before.
But it wasn’t to be. I returned to work in pain. With a head injury. Experiencing PTSD.
I was back in the old routine, but nothing was familiar about it. I had changed. I was not the same person. I was dealing with new problems, even though I was in my old routine.
While it sometimes seems we are returning to the same routine, the old life is no longer normal because we and others are different, and this impacts the new now.
Other times big events change everything familiar, like a war or a catastrophe. Where both you, the circumstances, and even environment have changed.
Sometimes, though, we are waiting for a big change to start living like what we think is normal (or like everyone else). “When I get married. When the baby sleeps through the night. When the squirrel is trained to quit biting the guests” (sorry, I was checking to see if you are awake).
Sometimes we are longing for a change, some reform to come to our life, and nothing new comes. Because the one who needs to change is us.
Normal is constantly changing.
Over a year ago when the pandemic started, I kept naively saying, “When things return to normal, I’ll . . . .”
And now it’s been over a year.
My once blank calendar is acquiring more appointments, more commitments.
For months I waited for things to return to normal. And then I realized, this was not possible.
I am trying to be wiser this time. Not expecting things to be exactly like they were before this began.
Because nothing can return to pre-normal. Things will eventually return to a post normal. A new and different normal. We have changed. Others have changed. Circumstances and life have changed. There is no going back.
And so, we march forward. Changing and adjusting. Leaving the past in its place. Normal always changing and adjusting.
I am trying to remember this. So I don’t whine and complain, forgetting that the important things haven’t changed.
God is still in charge. I am still growing in grace and knowledge. And good gifts are still all around me.
Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.
Theresa
Discussion question: How are you adapting?
May link up at Crystal Storms (#HeartEncouragement), Maree Dee (#Grace & Truth), Anita Ojeda (#inspirememonday), InstaEncouagements ((IE Link-Up), and Jeanne Takenaka (#tellhisstory).
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Normal is a lie that we tell ourselves so that we don’t have to change. Normal is boring, stale & doesn’t honor God. He calls us to a different- in the world, but not of the world – kind of life.
Our normal is never God’s normal. And it is an elusive thing we seek.
I remember years ago feeling so frustrated that every time I had done some routine or had a schedule worked out, something would change! I had to accept (embrace!) that life is very organic. Good thoughts, Theresa.
I am nodding my head in agreement, Robynne. 🙂 Yes. And the busiest or most planned days, a kid would wake up feeling sick. I learned as a parent that schedules and plans could change, and often did. Okay, I am still learning this. Flexibility is key.
“Normal is constantly changing”. We have certainly learned this in the past 14 months (or at least we should). I loved how you related the New normal you and your hubby faced after having a baby with the ever-shifting normal since the pandemic appeared. Life is change, but God is in charge.
Hi Laure. So glad God is in change. Because life and normal is always changing.
Theresa, yes to this post. If we wait for normal to return, life will pass us by. I grinned when you talked about the various phases of our children growing. I used to laughingly say, “Just when I think I have them (my boys) figured out, they change!” Through all the change, we must lean on God the only “normal One”, the only One who never changes. When we lean on Him and trust Him to guide us through our changing lives, we will weather said changes more easily, or at least with more grace and peace.
Jeanne, yes our children are always changing. But then again, so am I. All part of life. So glad that God is our constant. He does help us weather the changes.
So true! “Our normal is always changing.”
2020 taught us that lesson for sure. I’m glad there is change in life – keeps things interesting. But I have learned that even good changes are still hard. We need to give ourselves and others grace and time to change.
Change does keep life interesting. I am not a fan of big changes I do not know anything about. I once came home from work and my husband and daughter had moved all the furniture in our public spaces. Suddenly my house did not feel comfortable because I don’t know where anything was. But with a few days, I got used to it and appreciated it. But change does take time and grace.
It’s taken my entire life to begin to grasp these truths and accept them with some level of contentedness! Praying for more growth, though!Loved this!
Thanks Amy. Contentedness seems to be a life long journey. At least for me.
Ahh, the new normal. How I really dislike that phrase, but as you have stated it’s true.
The only thing in life that will never change is that things always change. That and God, who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Love the humor in this sentence: “When the squirrel is trained to quit biting the guests” (sorry, I was checking to see if you are awake).”
Great post. 🙂
Glad to see you noticed that sentence, Sabrina. I also dislike that phrase, “the new normal.” Even if things are always changing.
Theresa, there is much wisdom in this post which I appreciated. We don’t realize how much life changes over the course of time. And it surely has changed over the last 14 months. Some changes we like, some … not so much. But I am grateful God is over each change and still in control. In this, I constantly find my peace and comfort.
PS – Thank you for training your squirrels not to bite 🙂
Blessings!
Joanne, Life does change over time, thankfully often slowly and sometimes in fast bursts. My very young self would be surprised by how my life is now. Not quite what I expected, but yet so good. And always, God is in control, which also brings me peace and comfort. P.S. As for the squirrels learning not to bite . . . 🙂
This is a great post, Theresa! I think it has really hit me over the last few weeks as we finally begin to move towards “normal” here, that we are never going to go back to pre-COVID normal. Too much has changed – both in the ways we and our society have been changed by the pandemic, and in some individual circumstances. I agree, the only way is to trust God and keep moving forward.
Yes, so much has changed; us, society, and even our habits (such as shopping more on line). Things will never return to pre-COVID normal. I have had to grieve a few things, or at least acknowledge them, and then move forward knowing God is in control.
Theresa, I appreciate your perspective, “And so, we march forward. Changing and adjusting. Leaving the past in its place. Normal is always changing and adjusting. God is still in charge.”
Yes to marching forward. Blessing Lisa.
I had to chuckle about your husband’s comment that once the baby came, life could return to normal. That’s hilarious!! But until you experience those first few years of an infant/baby/
toddler in the house, you really can’t appreciate how one little tyke (who starts out not even able to MOVE on his own!) can wreak havoc in the household. Like my DIL observed upon the birth of their first, “It takes three adults to care for one baby!”
Love it, Nancy! Taking three adults to care for one little baby. So true. And so funny.
Theresa, hi! You pack wisdom into every line you pen. Your words and wisdom were designed to be savored.
Like this, right here –> ‘A new and different normal. We have changed. Others have changed. Circumstances and life have changed. There is no going back. And so, we march forward. Changing and adjusting. Leaving the past in its place.’
No truer words have been spoken about this season we now find ourselves in. Thank you for this powerful piece.
Thanks Linda. Now if only knowing something and doing it were the same thing. 🙂
LOVED the flower pictures!! Oh so pretty. Keep them coming!
Yes, I like to move my furniture and pictures around. It makes the room feel new and fresh instead of old and boring to me. BUT I don’t like having my routine rearranged. LOL Funny what is fun to one person can upset another persons equilibrium.
Hi Bliss! Love that we are all so different. I cannot imagine how boring it would be if we were all alike. Keep moving your furniture around!